Bucket List

And if the sunflower held the sun in its stare a little too long, it would burn alive. And if the sea uncurled from the rock, it would grow parched and die. And if the breeze blew too strong, the leaves would fall and scatter unto the fade, rootless and displaced. Then why does the soul yearn for all the fire of passion that refuses to recognize the right from wrong? Why do we yearn and crumble because love flows in our veins? Why does ownership only arise out of the fear of loss? And if we were to burn alive for the inviolate conviction of that moment, would you choose otherwise? Would you forego your fall from pride just to have that one moment of solace in the midst of incomprehension, inexpressible grief and insurmountable insecurity? And if you did, would it be your defeat? Really? Love is indeed our response to our highest values. But if we are built in response to the fears that plague us, doesn't it only make us human to break sometimes? To fall to our knees i...

Since I know how much you hate the attention, I'm just going to overwhelm you into submission. Happy Birthday! I can't be there and that sucks enough. First ever. Incomplete, isn't it? No matter. Next year onwards you'll be rich so no more buddays away. Deal? COOL. :D Here's to unsure first steps out of that door with background music *drumroll* "Beta, she has no friends." One walk in the middle of winter and zindagi ke secrets ka khulaasa *cue sounds of oysters cracking open to puke out pearls*. A lot of consequent "evening walks" that led to the same building se same bus, same school *gasps*, same dost *giggles*. Oh my god your 12th. (Not living it down, nope.) OH MY GOD MY 12TH! Smatterings of drama in between. Cooked in tamashco sauce, a trip to Vac's *starry eyed* and a lot of inevitability later, here. Thinking about how we ever got this far (no, really), how we found each other at all (fuck Serendipity, I will punch your f...

In the face of sheer agony that's resonating in the echoes of the bullets and bombs that ripped homes apart in the flash of a blinding second, I am able to feel strong because of men like Antoine Leiris. I am able to believe in the humanity that's kept this world alive since its inception and strive to live up to it because of the inspiration that every stranger, who lets another in need, into the welcoming arms of their lives; loves a fellow muslim citizen despite the religion that brings undeserved condemnation and isolation upon them, those who're as innocent a victim of the terrorists as those who lie sleepless trying to reconcile the fact of the loss of loved ones to their reality; who extends the compassion of a real human heart to those who're grieving but standing tall across Beirut, Baghdad, Syria and all of this world; who pauses for a moment and thinks about the mother whose son is holding the gun and pressing the trigger that eradicates the light of  a th...

"Tum saath ho ya nahi, kya fark hai? Bedard thi zindagi, bedard hai." How I wish. You're missed terribly in every breathing moment like the presence of a guardian angel would be if we knew the feeling. I wish things weren't the way they are now, uncle. I wish there was a way to rewind to the moment that changed our lives forever and perhaps, there was just that one little thing we could have done differently. I'd want to take that chance just to have you walk into my room and demand if my parents were being too tough to handle during those dismal days of class 12. The tears flow mercilessly, slashing through the cheeks you'd caress in encouragement, in the memory of the Sirius Black you've always been to me. It's nothing short of iron in the gut to think of you and have the memories of being pushed to take that mike, wear that sari, smile for the camera with mock reluctance. You're loved. Knowing how close we came to losing you irrevoc...

I woke up to my phone pinging. Having checked my notifications, I was scrolling through my newsfeed and came across a post which said, "Dating my ex? Want some of my leftover pizza too?" My brain's la-di-da swinging steps came to a rude, abrupt and resounding halt. I know I may seem to be overreacting here but I was stunned. I felt violated. Not only as a woman, if you're scared I'm going to pull the F-card (Feminism) on you but as a human being. I'm aware it's a troll comment, meant to be taken as a joke but- is it really? How far are we willing to go in the name of a joke? Is there no line we choose to draw for ourselves that segregates a healthy joke from an over the top comment in bad taste? Humour is a means of expressing the truth in a manner that isn't as offensive to the person at the receiving end. This comment was absolute shit. I'm sorry but where is the basic dignity that you award to a fellow human being, forget someone you...

"Watch your hands move along my face, they trace all the lines I have lived. It's not hard to love your scars because that's everywhere you've been." Love keeps us alive. So when you're stuck at the crossroads, in the darkness of uncertainty, anxious over the outcomes of your decisions in tough situations, under duress because of the pressure of living up to yourself, take a moment and love. Simply and completely. There can never be as deeply fulfilling a feeling, as that of knowing you have something worth looking up to, with adulation, adoration and intense self belief that pronounces- you deserve it. You deserve to be loved. You are the finest light of a thousand suns, you are the reason this world is happier place, a home to a man bereft of it, a spark of fire in the winter, dewdrops for the parched throat. You deserve to spread that light. This world needs you to. It's starving for your honesty, integrity and that smile. It's restless becau...

"Maybe you'll fall in love with me all over again." "Hell, I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?" "Yes. I want to ruin you." "Good. That's what I want too."                                                                                                        - Ernest Hemingway I smile as I read this again, a quotation which marked my life since its discovery, in reminiscence of the naive fool I used to be. I'm not saying I'm not naive (or a fool for that matter) even now but I realize why reading this quote feels like a goodbye. The reason is simple. Love doesn't ruin. It wasn't meant to. Love picks you up, dusts your wounds and sends you running with a grin on your face that screams, 'Life, you're lo...

As the waves rolled over, there was nothing but the overpowering feeling of oppression that throws you against the wall, leaving you thrashing with nowhere to run and drenched in the reality of the futility of your ego that thought it could endure all. You try to stand against the onslaught of the tsunami that leaves you breathless, gasping to break through to the surface and a plea on your lips, begging for it to be over. You realize then, the power it has over the frailty of your strength as you unravel, screaming. When you fall to your knees, it's over. It's funny how all humbling realizations come painfully but leave you feeling cleansed, almost redeemed and smiling because you learnt that one lesson only life could teach you in its undulating, cruel, idiosyncratic ways. Through it all is the unshakeable belief, that it happens for a reason. Always a good one. Good things happen to good people, remember? And so it brings me to one of the most precious memories I...

When did not caring become a herald of human evolution? More importantly, why is it okay for people to be indifferent? I do not mean in the basic sense where not bothering yourself with others' opinions, world standards and imposed expectations is wrong. It's needed, healthy even. It's essential.  But what never ceases to render me incredulous with disbelief is the blatant, unabashed insensitivity of one human being to the emotions and suffering of another human being. Is it too much to expect of fellow individuals to not shrug and walk away in the face of another's pain, with the toss of head dismissing all responsibility in a thought bubble, screaming 'Not my problem. Not mine to care'? When did it become tolerable to suffer the indignity of apathy ? Why do we not stop to think about how it is the only real sin which keeps us from ever fulfilling the potential we have of being downright decent human beings? We complain about a ruthless world, literate ...

Ever looked up to the stars and wondered why you were put here and not shooting up to their sparks? Ever thought about why the leaves change hues to brightest golds and crimson just before they fall? Ever marvelled at how you feel ablaze when the passion's colouring your soul? Ever gazed at the lights and felt as one, at once peaceful and crazed? Stared at the full moon, blinded by the silver shimmering before your closed eyes? Walked alone through the windy rain, laughing at that moment you'll want to tell your kids? Giggled like a child, gleeful about the chocolate cake that sent tremors through your being? Felt close to tears because the world's not what you thought it would be? Held disappointment in sleepless hearts when the loss left you resigned? Jerked upright, half awake from a dream that left a smile on your face? Smiled at a stranger because they're walking with an intransigent spine and an ache? Looked deep into the eyes of your frie...

She was dancing on the stage, naked and free. She was alone and the window on the side revealed it was spring and the rays of the sun making the curtains shimmer. Her hands outstretched, she was moving to the sound of her own heartbeat, humming under her breath just when the door to her hall opened by an inch. The face of a man appeared in the crack, holding out a hand marked with remnants of colours and a brush. She understood he was an artist and joyously invited him in to dance with her, her arms outstretched, at once jubilant and daring. He stepped through, set up his easel and started to paint. She moved too much so he asked her to stay. She chose a spot in the centre, lifted her arms, threw her head back, laughed and waited for him to colour her red. The spring changed to summer and she would turn, talk and remain in that spot. His sketch wasn't complete yet, he'd say if she asked to move again. The sound of his charcoal grazing the canvas kept her rooted and excited i...

"I will go on adventuring, changing, opening my mind and my eyes, refusing to be stamped and stereotyped. The thing is to free one's self: to let it find its dimensions, not be impeded."                                                                                                                                       Virginia Woolf It has always been a dream of mine to talk to the people who walked this earth and changed it. As a child, I would often have conversations with them, much like imaginary friends and feel coloured by their vivid thoughts that filled me with passion. Today, as I sit, feeling dejected, I look to these idols of mine for inspi...

"The moon which was now clear of clouds lay in a bare space as if the light had consumed the heaviness of the clouds and left a perfectly clear pavement, a dancing ground of revelry. For some time the dappled iridescence of the sky remained unbroken.Then there was a puff of wind and a little cloud crossed the moon."                                                                                                                                          Virginia Woolf The day had been rushed. We got to the hall, excitement and expectation fluttering through stomach and out with an exhalation of 'I hope it lives up to what they said. I hope it matt...